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Feels Like The First Time
Coming Out

Coming Out!

Written By: Anonymous

Usually when I fall in love I dream about that person for months and/or years at a time. But what happened to me recently seemed to happen over night.

About a week ago during lunch, I'm in 11th grade, my best friend introduced me to one of her other friends. We shook hands and got to talkin' about ourselves. She was pretty, well built, not fat and not skinny, and had a really good personality, but during our conversation I didn't really think
about being attracted to her. All I thought about really was not saying something stupid so she'd want to be my friend.

Further into the conversation we started to discuss relationships. Being the lesbian that I am I'm not really comfortable talking about my sexuality, even around my friends who already know, let alone a stranger. But surprisingly enough I told her everything. Well, not everything. I left out the part about my sexuality. All I told her was that right now I don't like any boys and I've never had a boyfriend. She'd had a boyfriend before but didn't like any guys at the moment.

I was really impressed with her intelligence and how she
carried on a conversation like that. She never studdered or paused. She was loaded with questions. That's why when the bell rang to switch periods I was pissed. I hadn't eaten anything because I'd been talking to her all through lunch. My stomach grumbled.

Halfway down the hall she caught up with me and slid a piece of paper in my hand. It was her number. She said to call me this weekend so we could hang out, it was now Thursday, but there was a kind of curiosness in her voice.
Or maybe I was imagining it, either way I told her I'd call her, no doubt.

When we came up to the corner I realized that she's not in any of my classes so she'd need to keep going straight while I turned left. As I told her goodbye she grabbed my arm and turned me around.

"Can I have a hug?" she said sweetly.

I nodded and leaned in. Up until that moment when she pressed her body against mine, I hadn't wanted her. I didn't really think about us being together, or even if she was into me. But when I wrapped my arms around her and smelled her and squeezed her, I didn't want to let go. Then the thought of someone seeing us and maybe thinking something weird, or maybe seeing my expression, popped into my mind. I could imagine myself being blood red. So
when she let go and stepped back I looked up and down the hall and found that not only was no one looking at us, the hallway was deserted.

I turned back to her and found her staring into my eyes. A passionate stare you could say, and for one split second I had enough courage to lean in and kiss her. But I quickly threw that thought away. I couldn't take that risk.

For the rest of the day I sat and stared off into space thinking about her. Thinking about holding her and her smell. I'd have to get a bottle of whatever it was. Finally the last period bell rang and I ran home. Not jogged, but ran. I couldn't stand to talk to anyone with her on my mind. I wouldn't be able to keep up a conversation and they'd sense something was wrong. That night, after my shower, imagining her in there with me, I had a dream. I dreamt about us in the hallway hugging. But when we let go, instead of staring at each other like idiots, I leaned in and kissed her. I kissed her hard and long and so romantically that when I pulled back to go to class she grabbed my head and forced her tongue back into my mouth. Then we slammed up against the locker and made out for a good 2 or 3 minutes.

Not once did someone walk by and stare. Then that fuckin' late bell rang and she ran to class. Then I woke up.

I turned over and looked at the clock. It was 6:20!

"Holy shit!" I screamed.

I had 10 minutes to get dressed, finish my HW and get to school. I was late by a good ten minutes, but maybe it was destiny. Just then I felt to hands on my shoulders, one on either side of my neck. Then I felt my self being pulled back and a wetness on my cheek, a nice wetness. I turned to see her.

"Hey!" she said more excitedly than the mood she'd set.

"I love you," I thought.

"Hey," I said out loud, cursing myself for not turning my head so she would've "accidently" kissed my mouth.

We walked and talked until we came across a group of guys. She ran over to one of them and hugged him, the same way she hugged me yesterday. I felt a stab of jealousy and knew that I could never have her. She was straight and there was nothing I could do about it.

Alright, I thought, I'll just let her know that I'm lesbian anyway so she won't freak if she finds out later.I walked up to her and grabbed her hand.

"There's something I need to tell you," I whispered.

"OK, what is it?" she asked eagerly.

"I can't tell you here, it's personal," I said as we reached that damned corner dividing us again.

"Alright then meet me in the bathroom at 1," she said, "Tell me then."

I nodded and watched her turn the corner. I wouldn't have gone to the bathroom later if it wasn't for what happened during lunch. The whole time it seemed like she was flirting with me, sliding her foot up my leg staring into my eyes, complimenting me. It all really turned me on and I wondered it maybe I'd been wrong about her. Maybe she was bi at the least.

When we got to the corner this time instead of hugging her like before, I leaned in and kissed her cheek like she'd done to me. She looked surprised but seemed to like it.

I didn't forget about 1 o'clock, actually I got there 5 minutes early. No one was in the bathroom but I sat in one of the stalls anyway. When she arrived she stood outside of my stall, like she knew I was in there. When I opened the door she hugged me and asked what was on my mind. She gave good hugs and I wondered what it would be like to kiss her.

But I reminded myself that she didn't want me like I wanted her and I dropped the thought immediately.

"I have to tell you something," I said at last.

"What?" she asked, again with eagerness. Like she wanted to know as bad as I wanted to tell her.

"I'm." I paused. Should I go through with this? Maybe it's a bad idea. Maybe.

"A lesbian?" She cut me off of my thinking.

Startled that she knew I shook my head and cocked it sideways. Waiting for an answer from her. An answer that explained how she knew.

As in response she said, "All my friends are bi, I know how to tell. I knew about you 3 minutes into talking to you."

She turned around and went into a stall. I shook excitedly. If her friends were bi, maybe she was too. I was right about her! Maybe she does want me.

"And what about you?" I asked as cool as I could.

"I'm not like my friends," she said.

A stone dropped into my stomach. A stone that had big, red words painted on it. It said, "You fool. How could you fall for someone who obviously is straight? You're a loser."