Sex Chat - A Rough Guide

by Katie

Online relationships exist in all forms and on all levels. I want to talk about a very personal type of relationship that is springing up across the world. Why across the world? Because the Internet has made the world our dating field.

Of course some relationships are not about dating at all, but just about sex. Sounds simple enough, but is it? This article discusses highs and lows of taking that Internet relationships one step closer to real - phone sex.

Phone sex is the ultimate experience of a long distance relationship where two people can merge emotionally, share physical feelings without any physical contact with each other, and ultimately reach sexual release.

How, exactly, does phone sex work?
First you need two people, preferable two people who know each other. While it is possible to do it between to complete strangers, take my advice - if you want it to be an enjoyable, memorable experience, do it with someone you know something about.

Where do you find a partner?
You could pick up just about any rag mag and find an ad in the back for a phone sex service, but why pay $3.50 a minute to get yourself off? A better way is to establish a friendship with someone, either through a chat room or forum where you have a mutual interest. Sometimes, depending upon what the theme of your place of meeting is, it's easy to segue into sexual talk. Sometimes it's the natural progression of two people whose friendship is deepening. Do keep in mind that if you're meeting people in a forum dedicated to a specific topic that most people are not there to find a cyber/phonesex partner.

Let's assume that you've met a very special person. You've exchanged flirtatious messages and/or emails, perhaps even participated in a little cybersex (if you don't know what that is, check out my article here: CyberSex). Then one day you see flash across the screen, "Can I call you?" My guess is that your heart will be racing at this point.

Should you or shouldn't you? That depends upon how comfortable you are. If you're ready to share personal information about yourself, if you feel comfortable enough to let the person hear your voice, and if you feel you can freely speak about sexual acts, you're probably ready to try it.

One of the great things about talking online for many people is the lack of, or limited boundaries. There are no walls for most. You can be as honest as you want, or you can add spice and lots of flavorings. There are no rules, for most. Photos also fly over the Internet wires. One only hopes they are getting the realistic view of the one they have come to bond with. So if you think there's a chance photos might be swapped, be honest.

The added benefit of talking someone through an orgasm is that you can hear inflection in their voice; you can hear their breathing change as they become more aroused.

But not everyone is good at phonesex. While they may be able to send you into unknown levels of excitement with the stroke of a few keys, they may not be able to verbalize their desire. Phonesex works on an auditory level. It depends upon your talent for description and visualization to bring the whole thing together.

One thing to keep in mind is timing, not only the timing of when to try your phonesex session, but timing within that session. When you decide to have your first session, make sure you have enough time. Having to hurry up because someone will be home soon is not conducive to a great session. There is nothing fun about feeling stressed and now having to perform over the phone. It can work, but it's not the best-case scenario. No one wants to hear, "I only have five minutes, lets go for it." Quickies only work off-line. This is real life. People don't always perform on command.

Timing within your session can also set the mood. Think of it as if the person were right next to you. If you were getting in bed with the person you wouldn't immediately start screwing. Start out with a little small talk. Ask how their day has been. Discuss what you had been doing just before coming online or calling. Consider what the other person's day has been like. "I had a person call me once who jumped right into telling me how he wanted to pull off my panties and do me. I had just returned from doctors visit for a pap smear."

I can only imagine the poor person after a lengthy period of erotic dialog sitting on the other end of the phone thinking to themselves, "I wish they would cum, because I have a dentist appointment in 20 minutes." If you are uncomfortable being honest and saying 'this is not going to happen', then I would recommend 'faking' at this point. It saves you the aggravation of trying climax when you can't, saves a few phone bill dollars, which in the end may help add more calls heading your way, and think of the poor person who really does have something to do.

So, what do you actually talk about during phonesex?
Basically, what you'll be doing is either telling your partner about what you would like to do to or with them, or talking through a fantasy situation. You will have to be graphic, that's just how it works. You have to be comfortable using words that usually turn someone on. For example, you can't go from asking him to "fuck your pussy" in online chat or emails, to "please put your penis in my vagina" when on the phone. It's not going to work. You can't land a fish with inadequate bait. If you have to, practice saying the words out loud.

It's always good to allow your partner some insight into things you enjoy about sex before you share on the phone and to know what your phone sex partner likes. Don't drag out whip and chains in your dialog if you know your partner is not into that. He or she might get frightened and hang up. 'What could he be thinking, I never told him I liked spankings!'

It's also a good idea for those of you who have more than one phone sex partner to keep track of who likes what. Keep a notebook if you have to. I wouldn't want to be confused with your other lover who you are sharing a bi-sexual relationship with. For that matter, I know I wouldn't even want to know that you have other partners. Interacting through phonesex is a very personal thing, and can very easily go wrong if you don't choose your words carefully.

If you are playing out a scene with you partner, keep track in your head where all the body parts are. You can't possibly be able to suck on my toes and then my neck and then lick the back of my thighs all within seconds. Try not to jump around too much. Think of it as an actual sex act. Would you really move from doing it in the missionary position to doggie style in a matter of seconds? I'd get dizzy with all the rapid movement. Keep on track.

And lastly, unless you are in this just to get someone else off, which is admiral to some, you have to be able to feel comfortable at touching yourself in front of someone. Now you may laugh, but I have known people who truly had no idea. "He asked me to tell him if I was wet. How would I know, I was dressed and in my office." For a good session, you need to be able to share in the experience.

Phone sex is a great way to act out mutually shared fantasies, or a way to introduce your partner to things that might turn you on. It does get easier as time passes, and with each call you share. Sharing a climax over the phone is a very cool thing. Being able to get someone to this point through phone wires can be a challenge, but one worth the effort. And one final thought, relax. Don't forget to laugh when it's appropriate. Sometimes a chuckle or two helps ease the tension that might exist.