Sex Chat - A Rough Guide
Online relationships exist in all forms and on all
levels. I want to talk about a very personal type of
relationship that is springing up across the world.
Why across the world? Because the Internet has made
the world our dating field.
Of course some relationships are not about dating at
all, but just about sex. Sounds simple enough, but is
it? This article discusses highs and lows of taking
that Internet relationships one step closer to real
- phone sex.
Phone sex is the ultimate experience of a long distance
relationship where two people can merge emotionally,
share physical feelings without any physical contact
with each other, and ultimately reach sexual release.
How, exactly, does phone sex work?
First you need two people, preferable two people who
know each other. While it is possible to do it between
to complete strangers, take my advice - if you want
it to be an enjoyable, memorable experience, do it with
someone you know something about.
Where do you find a partner?
You could pick up just about any rag mag and find an
ad in the back for a phone sex service, but why pay
$3.50 a minute to get yourself off? A better way is
to establish a friendship with someone, either through
a chat room or forum where you have a mutual interest.
Sometimes, depending upon what the theme of your place
of meeting is, it's easy to segue into sexual talk.
Sometimes it's the natural progression of two people
whose friendship is deepening. Do keep in mind that
if you're meeting people in a forum dedicated to a specific
topic that most people are not there to find a cyber/phonesex
Let's assume that you've met a very special person.
You've exchanged flirtatious messages and/or emails,
perhaps even participated in a little cybersex (if you
don't know what that is, check out my article here:
CyberSex). Then one day you see flash across the screen,
"Can I call you?" My guess is that your heart
will be racing at this point.
Should you or shouldn't you? That depends upon how
comfortable you are. If you're ready to share personal
information about yourself, if you feel comfortable
enough to let the person hear your voice, and if you
feel you can freely speak about sexual acts, you're
probably ready to try it.
One of the great things about talking online for many
people is the lack of, or limited boundaries. There
are no walls for most. You can be as honest as you want,
or you can add spice and lots of flavorings. There are
no rules, for most. Photos also fly over the Internet
wires. One only hopes they are getting the realistic
view of the one they have come to bond with. So if you
think there's a chance photos might be swapped, be honest.
The added benefit of talking someone through an orgasm
is that you can hear inflection in their voice; you
can hear their breathing change as they become more
But not everyone is good at phonesex. While they may
be able to send you into unknown levels of excitement
with the stroke of a few keys, they may not be able
to verbalize their desire. Phonesex works on an auditory
level. It depends upon your talent for description and
visualization to bring the whole thing together.
One thing to keep in mind is timing, not only the timing
of when to try your phonesex session, but timing within
that session. When you decide to have your first session,
make sure you have enough time. Having to hurry up because
someone will be home soon is not conducive to a great
session. There is nothing fun about feeling stressed
and now having to perform over the phone. It can work,
but it's not the best-case scenario. No one wants to
hear, "I only have five minutes, lets go for it."
Quickies only work off-line. This is real life. People
don't always perform on command.
Timing within your session can also set the mood. Think
of it as if the person were right next to you. If you
were getting in bed with the person you wouldn't immediately
start screwing. Start out with a little small talk.
Ask how their day has been. Discuss what you had been
doing just before coming online or calling. Consider
what the other person's day has been like. "I had
a person call me once who jumped right into telling
me how he wanted to pull off my panties and do me. I
had just returned from doctors visit for a pap smear."
I can only imagine the poor person after a lengthy
period of erotic dialog sitting on the other end of
the phone thinking to themselves, "I wish they
would cum, because I have a dentist appointment in 20
minutes." If you are uncomfortable being honest
and saying 'this is not going to happen', then I would
recommend 'faking' at this point. It saves you the aggravation
of trying climax when you can't, saves a few phone bill
dollars, which in the end may help add more calls heading
your way, and think of the poor person who really does
have something to do.
So, what do you actually talk about during phonesex?
Basically, what you'll be doing is either telling your
partner about what you would like to do to or with them,
or talking through a fantasy situation. You will have
to be graphic, that's just how it works. You have to
be comfortable using words that usually turn someone
on. For example, you can't go from asking him to "fuck
your pussy" in online chat or emails, to "please
put your penis in my vagina" when on the phone.
It's not going to work. You can't land a fish with inadequate
bait. If you have to, practice saying the words out
It's always good to allow your partner some insight
into things you enjoy about sex before you share on
the phone and to know what your phone sex partner likes.
Don't drag out whip and chains in your dialog if you
know your partner is not into that. He or she might
get frightened and hang up. 'What could he be thinking,
I never told him I liked spankings!'
It's also a good idea for those of you who have more
than one phone sex partner to keep track of who likes
what. Keep a notebook if you have to. I wouldn't want
to be confused with your other lover who you are sharing
a bi-sexual relationship with. For that matter, I know
I wouldn't even want to know that you have other partners.
Interacting through phonesex is a very personal thing,
and can very easily go wrong if you don't choose your
If you are playing out a scene with you partner, keep
track in your head where all the body parts are. You
can't possibly be able to suck on my toes and then my
neck and then lick the back of my thighs all within
seconds. Try not to jump around too much. Think of it
as an actual sex act. Would you really move from doing
it in the missionary position to doggie style in a matter
of seconds? I'd get dizzy with all the rapid movement.
Keep on track.
And lastly, unless you are in this just to get someone
else off, which is admiral to some, you have to be able
to feel comfortable at touching yourself in front of
someone. Now you may laugh, but I have known people
who truly had no idea. "He asked me to tell him
if I was wet. How would I know, I was dressed and in
my office." For a good session, you need to be
able to share in the experience.
Phone sex is a great way to act out mutually shared
fantasies, or a way to introduce your partner to things
that might turn you on. It does get easier as time passes,
and with each call you share. Sharing a climax over
the phone is a very cool thing. Being able to get someone
to this point through phone wires can be a challenge,
but one worth the effort. And one final thought, relax.
Don't forget to laugh when it's appropriate. Sometimes
a chuckle or two helps ease the tension that might exist.