One Ringy Dingy - Phone Sex
Over the past few months I have received many emails
asking me to explain, help, and tutor the fine customers
of Too Timid about phone sex.
One woman wrote:
“My man is wanting me to talk dirty to
him on the phone, but I don’t know where to start…We
have a long distance relationship and haven’t
seen each other much to know each others fantasies or
Another woman wrote that her boyfriend liked when she
talked dirty to him, even though she rarely did:
“It is almost like I know what to say, but I don’t
want to say it. What are some things I can say to get
him to get turned on? He wanted to have phone sex the
other day and I just couldn’t get the job done.”
I’m beginning to think I should have made this
one of my very first articles for Too Timid.
I had my first experience with phone sex as a senior
in high school. I had just started hanging out with
a new guy friend. He was just a friend, at least at
first. Somewhere over the course of our nightly phone
conversations the topic of sex began to filter in. Before
long our sexual likes, dislikes, and fantasies began
taking precedence over school day gossip. One night
in particular I used a raspy, and unbeknownst to me,
“Alright, well I gotta go,” I said after
yet another one of our sexual conversations.
“No!” He was adamant. “I can’t
get off the phone right now, my mom is in the other
I didn’t understand where his sudden panic was
coming from. “What’s the big deal?”
“I…well, I can’t go hang up the phone.”
(Remember the days when phones weren’t all cordless?)
“ I, uh, have….a…”
He couldn’t finish the sentence and I knew he
was blushing. He had a boner. Our conversation, mingled
with my sex kitten voice, had put his soldier at attention.
But I was seventeen and far from thinking of other people.
“Sorry kiddo. Gotta go!” I hung up the
phone; an ear to ear smile pasted across my face.
Phone sex came back into play for me in my mid twenties.
I was dating someone, who lived out west, while I was
on the East Coast. Although we took turns flying back
and forth every weekend, the weeks found us lonely—and
“Are you alone?” It was almost always the
first question he asked. Although most times I was the
only one in my apartment I knew it turned him on to
think my roommates were home also.
“Lay down on the bed and take off your panties.”
I’ve always hated the word “panties”,
but I let it slide for the sake of good phone sex. “Now
lick your finger and slide it into your pussy.”
I would allow him to tell me what to do because for
him it was a huge rush.
The rest of our “conversation” would be
me climaxing and him getting off at the sound of me
having an orgasm. Don’t get me wrong, I would
have much rather been having actual sex, but distance
made that impossible during the week.
So how do you have phone sex? I can’t help but
think of the Aerosmith video for “Sweet Emotion”.
Remember that one? Of course the ending was far from
ideal, but you get the picture. There is a safety net
to having phone sex. Your partner is not right there
in front of you, so use that to your advantage. Imagine
that the person on the other end of the phone is someone
you are not going to ever see; someone with whom you
can tell your most intimate and lusty thoughts. Maybe
you are too timid to “talk”, so why don’t
you have them talk to you—tell you what to do.
By doing this you are actively participating without
feeling the embarrassment of talking dirty.
I’m beginning to wonder if I should just start
each of my articles with, “I used to feel that
way too, but…”
Let your fingers do the walking and have fun!
Timing: The element of surprise is always alluring,
but nothing is going to kill the mood quicker than calling
your partner at work and catching them in the middle
of an important meeting. Feel out the situation before
you begin. Is he or she in a good mood? Are they alone?
Did you catch them at a bad time?
How to begin: So you have determined
that your partner is “free”, so how do you
begin? You don’t want to just jump into, “I’m
horny”, rather something playful, “I was
thinking about you” or “I couldn’t
help but call”. Conversation starters like these
are going to elicit responses from you partner wondering
why he or she was on your mind.
Revving it up: So you’ve got
their attention, now what? Remind them of the last time
you had great sex and tell them how you were thinking
about it and just had to call. “I loved when you_______.
It got me so excited/turned on/wet/horny.”
Full steam ahead: Put on your creative
hat here. Use colorful and detailed description for
your partner and explain how you’re feeling right
at that moment. Keep the dialog going by asking him
or her what they would like to do to you and telling
them what you would like to do to them.
Play time: It is not necessary during
phone sex, but masturbation can only heighten the experience.
A hand free head set comes in extremely handy at times
such as these. Tell your partner what you are doing
and make sure to make plenty of noise so they know how
much you are enjoying yourself!